September 26, 2007

Malicious Mother Syndrome. ( The Drama Part 1)

Here is my experience of being a Father of one child in which the marriage ended in divorce and the Mother is suffering from Malicious Mother Syndrome.

The "One" I speak of is my son, aged 9, born on August 12 1998. I'll never forget the day he was born in St.Paul's Hospital in Vancouver. It was raining as I drove from Port Moody to Downtown Vancouver along the Bartlet Highway. It was eleven in the evening on August the eleven and I had been asleep for about an hour prior to the obvious need to get to the hospital with an expected arrival. My son due date was August 12th so there was really no surprise that we could be making the journey very soon. Unusual for Downtown Vancouver was that parking was a breeze and so we sailed into the hospital and had to deal with the usual admitting questions from the intake clerk. After being hooked up to the monitors a doctor came in to see if the membranes had broken and what should have been a usual procedure turned into a very scary moment when Ryan's heart rate dropped down to 40 beats per minute. Quickly, oxygen was administered and Ryan's heart rate accelerated back up to about 140 BPM after about 3 minutes on continuous oxygen at 10 liters per minute. Those three minutes haunt me to this day for reasons I will get into later.

My sons Moms and I had been married for three years at the time of the birth she did not want to change her name to mine. My feelings about women changing their name at marriage are pretty neutral so I discussed it once in the context of greater family harmony and it went no where so I left it alone. My own mother had the last name of Scott and it didn't affect me, or at least I thought it didn't.

At three in morning the contractions are about 15 to 20 minutes apart and after a real intense one Caren falls off to sleep or a semi-sleep. A chance for me to go outside for some fresh air. alright, for those who know me I wanted a smoke and a stretch as I find hospitals very hard to be in. Too much pain, physical and otherwise. I find a phone to call my Mom in Winnipeg while enjoying a few puffs on cigarette. I explain what had happened, "Ryan's heart rate dropped to 40 BPM". My Mom's a nurse as well so she would understand my concern. She calmed me down and reassured me that all would be fine. I took a few more deep breathes and realized the stars has come out from the rainy dark night. As I studied deep into space for a recognizable constellation I observed a shooting star. To my amazement I saw two more before I darted back into the hospital thinking, what are the odds? The odds are actually very good as I learned two years later. The Perseid's meteor shower puts on a great show every year for my son's birthday.

my son was born at about 8:00 a.m. and I fell asleep on the sofa at about 10:00 a.m. as mother and baby were both fast asleep. By all accounts all seemed pretty normal with the new little family. The following day we returned home and the countless visitors came from all over, "Gotta see the baby!" As ones reads this it is strikingly apparent there was nothing malicious going on at the time of birth. During the three years of marriage prior to the birth there was some indications of malicious behavior but I'll focus this series of post on the events leading to divorce and the events after the divorce. The syndrome is called Divorce Related Malicious Mother Syndrome for a reason. Stay Tuned

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